Phil T encouraged this.
Diane L I haven't been working out for a while. A lot has changed in a very short amount of time. But now I'm fat. And no, not like I'm up to a 22 BMI from a 19 fat, but truly fat. I'm at 29.1. And I can't claim it's muscle because that's pretty much gone too.
Yes, I have eaten. I have eaten such deliciously horrible things for me in abdunance you would think I still have a metabolism of a teen, but since I have a teen son, I certainly am not a teen anymore.
But the real problem is a lack of exercise. I switched jobs from a place downtown where I would walk to go places, had a gym on the second floor and more importantly had 10 stories with stairs I took all day as long as I wasn't wearing too obnoxious of high heels, to a 1 story building out in a suburb where though the vending machines have "healthy" foods and pops, they are all diet, with aspertame, which I'm allergic too. And I truly suck at bringing in my lunch. So what happens I drive to go get food. And since I already just had to sit in my car, I don't want to have to go, park, get out of the car, go in and get food, I end up getting fast food.
I went 2.5 years without eating McDonalds. Can't claim that anymore.
When I exercise, I eat better. I'm not as exhausted. I'm motivated to do things like pack a lunch and then more importantly, eat what I pack (you would laugh at how often the second part is the problem).
Then it hit me. I used to love this website. I love challenges. I love having to compete against myself.
But life keeps getting in my way. My thryoid broke and I gained some weight. It's better now, but the weight is still there. Dad gets sick, keeps landing in the hospital. Brother getting divorced, needs help with his kids and someone to be strong for him. Sister is preggers, first one and having brutal morning sickness which why it's called morning sickness is beyond me. It lasts all day damnit. Son is a Senior in High School. Campus Tours, ACT and SAT prep, applications, driving lessons. And the weddings, and birthdays and baby showers. And when it's a choice between doing something for me versus those I love, they always win, and that's the way it should be. But then instead of finding time for me, I use that as a crunch and an excuse to not just not do it. Because I'm tired. Because I sad. Because I've had a headache for 4 days straight because I live in Cleveland and it can never ever make up it's mind on the weather.
But I love this website. And I thought, how do I get this website to help me with this. I need to make my working out someone else's need. When it's for someone else, then I do it. But for me? Yep, still plowing through the Simpsons Marathon.
Then I thought about this here. Posting. This isn't really a Facebook or Twitter thing. It's not even a blog thing. This felt right posting this here. I saw pictures of myself from a wedding I recently attended and started to cry. My stomach is huge, I have a double chin, but worse my arms look ridiculous. The second pic? That's me a little over a year ago. And I wanted to loose 20 lbs to get down to my favorite running weight back then!
I'm not sure how to do this. Not the working out part or what to eat. That I do know. But the motivation. The willpower to push through even when I'm tired and cranky and have cramps and want to curl up on the couch and eat chocolate. It was a habit before so will power wasn't an issue. It just was what I did. But now, I have new habits that I need to break while creating starting up new ones. And that, that is brutal.
But I know I can't be the only one. I know this website helped me when I was bored. So I'm hoping it will help me now. Any suggestions? I'll take them.
Because that woman in that picture, that isn't me. That's a sad me, that's a life wore me down me. And that's not truly who I am.
It's time to get me back.
Sorry for the rambling.